Two-Way Better Half by Robin Densmore Fuson

 

I can see it now. A beautiful bride, dazzling in the perfect wedding dress. The handsome groom, sharp in his attire.

Flowers and candles. A happy occasion. Pretty and handsome attendants flank the focal point. A gathering of witnesses takes in the solemn, yet joyous occasion as two people, become one.

Two people bound by commitment as they promise to love and honor. To protect and help. To be a confidant and champion. A couple. Two halves making a whole.

Although they will become One, they are still two. Two identities. Each has their own goals. Their own duties. Each one should encourage and build up the other half, as the other goes about their life in a separate way, yet together.

It’s a difficult road. Many obstacles and bumps along the way. Some potholes can turn into canyons and cliffs. Decisions will need to be made and each one of those shouldn’t be a lone verdict. They should share the idea, direction, diagnosis, or desire with each other.

I’m not talking about everyday questions as to what to eat or wear, but ones involving the other person—when a moral or obligatory incident arrives that will impact the other half. Things like: A promotion in a job that will require a move and/or longer hours. Education choices. A worrisome health concern. Where to live. How many children to have. What color to paint the house. When an emergency arises. What car to purchase. Vacation. Appointments outside of normal job requirements. Travel. Those sorts of things should be discussed.

These should bring the one half to seek out the other half and lean in for advice, council, help, encouragement, and support. Sometimes the one needs the other as a sounding board.

These events bring couples closer. The halves cling together in the whole, solidifying it, making the bond stronger than before. If the one keeps these things to themselves, not sharing it with the other half, it will still impact the other and the relationship, but it can go sideways. 

When a decision or activity is done by one half who doesn’t consider the other half, it can crack the relationship causing a fissure in the whole.

The other half may feel slighted or rejected. Not needed. Ouch!

When this becomes a recurring event in the relationship, the crevice deepens and they drift apart, creating a gap.

The emotional one of the two will feel it as if the crack happened in their very being. That they were not worth the other half’s time and effort to include them. The information they could’ve brought to the table isn’t worth a dime. That their relationship isn’t what they thought and hoped it was. What they relied on.

The staid one will think the decision process didn’t need discussion and didn’t need to worry or talk it over with the other half. They figured they’d handle it themselves. No big deal.

The one in the dark and left out, when the thing comes to light, will feel blindsided. They may feel like, what is the point of giving of themselves to the other half only to learn it’s not reciprocated. They may feel physically sick to their stomachs.

Emotions rise. Tempers heat. Wounds inflicted.

This is why so many couples drift, so that divorce is considered and ultimately becomes the end resort.

Opening and inviting two-way communication and involving the other half, increases the bonding of the whole. Sharing opens doors for listening.

When the one is blindsided, they might have a difficult time listening. The one who cut out the other from the equation will also have trouble listening to the reasoning of the other half—after all, they feel they didn’t do anything wrong. Except of course, neglect the input of the one they made covenant and married.

Both will turn off the other, yet at the same time, yearn for their side to be heard and understood.

Our relationship can become a dry, desolate place.  

How can we avoid this from happening in our relationship?

Relationships take work. Talk. Include. Listen. Pray together. Come to an understanding between the two of you before determining a needed action or decision. 

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one (Genesis 2:24 nlt; also in Matt. 19:5; Mark 10:7; Eph. 5:31).

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed (Ecclesiastes 4:9 nlt).